Turbo

A thoroughly disappointing film, redeemed by two all-stars and a soundtrack.

Across movies, video games and life, you always know a person is getting desperate when they play dirty. This is exactly what is happening with Dreamworks today. With recent non-Dreamworks movies hitting all the right notes with the audiences, they’ve tried to fight back by cheating.

The result is Turbo, a near exact ripoff of Disney’s Cars, is boring in every sense of the word. All they’ve done is take Cars’ plot, change the characters, like a street-racing snail named Whiplash instead of Doc Hudson, and tried selling it. Turbo is terrible, and while it may provide viewers a laugh, it hurts to watch them get ripped off by a company that didn’t try hard enough.

The two saving graces for Turbo are:

  1. Samuel L Jackson and Snoop Dogg/Lion as Whiplash and Smoove Moves, respectively.Snoop Dogg is Smooth Move in TURBO
  2. The soundtrack, which is perfect for the movie.
No. Title Music Length
1. “Let the Bass Go” Snoop Dogg 3:55
2. “Another Day at the Plant” 2:52
3. It’s Tricky Run–D.M.C. 3:04
4. What’s New Pussycat? Tom Jones 2:19
5. Drop It Like It’s Hot Snoop Dogg featuring Pharrell Williams 4:28
6. “Supersnail” 1:47
7. “Meet The Competition” 2:35
8. Krazy Pitbull featuring Lil Jon 3:44
9. Jump Around House of Pain 3:39
10. Goin’ Back to Indiana Jackson 5 3:32
11. “The Snail is Fast” V12 and Nomadik 3:18
12. “Indianapolis” 2:30
13. “Tuck & Roll” 4:21
14. “Speedin'” Classic 2:21
15. “Here We Come” V12 and Classic 2:31
16. Eye of the Tiger (Sher Gunn Remix)” Survivor 5:52
17. “Saturday Night” Ozomatli 4:01
18. “Turbo” 2:49
Total length:
59:38

(Source: Wikipedia)

Dreamworks, my humble advice is, whatever problems you guys might be facing, get past them and get your head back in the game. Shoddy efforts like this aren’t going to endear you to anyone.Seriously, Frenchmen don’t drink Italian coffee and not every Mexican chef has an accent.

So there.

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The Croods

Another shot, another miss.

‘From the makers of Ice Age’ the posters say, which seems to be the only thing drawing the crowds to cinemas for this movie. The Dreamworks logo on any movie practically guarantees a good watch, especially for kids, but they seem to be running on fumes after the last Ice Age.

The Croods takes the tried-and-tested father and daughter bonding story, changed the setting to the Stone Age and presented it as the Croods. Even the 3-D part is half-baked, because I took off my glasses after the first 15 minutes and watched just fine. If anything, the glasses hindered my watching simply because it made everything a lot darker.

In the same vein, the characters were completely forgettable and can be summed up in a few words, per person.

The only character with a little life in him was Guy’s pet sloth, Belt, and only because of scenes like this.

So, while Croods may become a box-office hit, please remember that this is so, only because:

  1. Of Dreamworks’ Ice Age, Shrek and Madagascar legacy
  2. It’s a movie for kids who aren’t exactly critics, and only watch a movie for the entertainment.

G.I Joe: Retaliation

Entertaining, but nothing spectacular

Let me start by saying that this movie is the ultimate example of the words ‘not bad’. The story isn’t bad, and neither is the acting, screenplay, music, etc. That said, it wasn’t particularly good either.

G.I Joe: Retaliation is the latest movie in the Joe series of movies, with G.I Joe:The Rise of Cobra, being the first. It starts (presumably) a couple of years after the events of the first film. Duke is now the Joe’s leader along with a couple of new squad-mates – Roadblock, Lady Jaye and Flint.Sadly, NONE of the characters from the first film make it tot he second with the exception of Duke, Snake Eyes, Zartan, Storm Shadow, Cobra Commander and Destro (sort of, since the only show him imprisoned). The President has been replaced by Zartan, who has ordered the Joes be wiped out. Understandably, the Joes have to save the world yet again.

The movie as a whole isn’t bad, like I said – but there are lots of inconsistencies between the story of the first and that of the second. First, Storm Shadow returns – after having somehow surviving being stabbed in the chest, electrocuted, and a multi-storey plunge into frigid arctic waters in the first movie.

Then, the no-show of Duke’s team? The Baroness was being purged of nanomites last, so her absence is forgiven but the others? What excuse do they have? Additionally, the entire franchise seems to have moved from the science-fiction war movie, with Cobra having the cool accelerator suits and laser weapons to a more conventional war movie.

A lot of ideas for scenes seem to be poached from other franchises as well, most notable being when Joe (Bruce Willis) begins arming the team by extracting weapons caches from various places in his home – almost exactly like in Don’t Mess With the Zohan. This scene in particular annoys me. I know its meant to be funny, but why stretch the same joke so far?

The characters are all awesome, but here again the character of Lady Jaye could have been used more than just to the seduction of random men. However, in the face of all the mediocrity, the fight scenes shone through and will probably bring in the crowds during its spell in the theaters. All in all, a good movie to watch with frends and a better way to spend a couple of hours.

Shorts to See #1 – Assassin’s Creed: Embers

I’ve been on an Assassin’s Creed kick for a while now, what with the PS4 announcements and the impending release of Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag. So, its almost fitting to start a new section with a movie adaptation of the video-game series. The movie lasts about 20 minutes and follows the most widely recognized Assassin in the series – Ezio Auditore da Firenze.

But first, some background. Embers is an animated short film which was first bundled with the game Assassin’s Creed: Revelations. Created by Ubiworkshop, it follows Ezio in his old age after he retires from the order. He lives an idyllic life with his wife and children till a stranger arrives and changes what remains of his life.

Its not bad for as movies go and certainly could have been worse, but its not exactly perfect. The animation in itself is adequate, but the voice acting could have been better – at least in the case of the Chinese Assassin Shao Jun. Above all, its best to watch the movie after you have a reasonable amount of knowledge as far as the games are concerned.

I’m Baaaaaack!!

My school exams, (foul things that they are) got in the way, so I haven’t been able to post much.

But now, with them finished, I’m back into movie-watching, not-studying me!

So here’s a line-up of movies I’ll try and cover as they release:

  1. The Expendables 2 (Yes, I know its released, but I haven’t watched it)
  2. Man Of Steel (Superman. ‘Nuff said)
  3. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
  4. Scary Movie 5
  5. Student of the Year

Real Steel

I’d been waiting to see thismovie since I saw a sneak preview of it on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Now, having watched it, I can’t help but feel cheated. Robots beating the crap out of each other, hard to mess up right? Even so, Real Steel seems to be a less than a sum of its parts. Even Hugh Jackman couldn’t really save the movie.

So, the movie is set a couple of years in the future, where robots have replaced humans in the boxing ring, to give the audience ” no holds-barred brutality”. Charlie Kenton is a retired boxer, now robot trainer who is down on luck. Forced to travel from city to city, in search of new fights and to hide from his debt-collectors, he finds himself burdened with his annoying 11-year old son Max. What follows his two hours of emotional garbage, interspersed with a few awesome robot fight scenes.

Hugh Jackman is his normal, awesome best, Evangeline Lily and also delivers an OK performance as Bailey Tallet – Charlie’s friend, mechanic, and an important mother figure to Max. Dakota Goyo annoyed me as he played his semi-Justin Bieber character. The one redeeming fact was the fights, but these were few and far between.

The soundtrack was fantastic and perfectly suited to the the scenes in the movie, with songs by Eminem, and 50 Cent. Special mention must also be given to the Visual Effects team, which made the robots absolutely realistic.